Lest ye be judged
Hi all, I’m super tired and have been working (freelance writing) like crazy, during naps and until midnight most nights, and I need sleep and definitely shouldn’t be blogging right now. Just wanted to check in, I suppose. By the way, I am almost done editing my interview with Lenore Skenazy, and will post early next week! The free-range parenting guru is still popping up in big-time media a lot these days, and I felt honored that she spent close to an hour on a Sunday to chat with me. It was a delight. Also on deck for my Confident Mom Interview Series are a roller derby mama I once had the pleasure of working with and Cody’s 90-ish year-old grandmother Torie, who is sharp as a tack and one of the most open-minded, least judgmental people ever. Which brings me to my thought of the night.
I read a blog post today, in which bedtimes like Stella’s (8:30pm these days) were deemed inappropriate. You know, it was just another mom, blowing off some steam, admitting that she judges moms who are out with their babies past 6pm or so. My first response was to laugh so hard tea came out my nose. Then I got annoyed and even a little bit mad and defensive. I wasn’t afraid to post my response. And my response to her response. And then I realized it was karma.
Not too long ago, I left a slightly jokey, gentle, but still essentially critical comment on a certain blog by a certain “crazy mom” (those are her words–the very ones I use to describe myself). She’s pretty well known (not in Dooce’s league, but way above mine) and wacky and brutally honest and I’d be amazed if she didn’t wind up with a reality TV show. About five minutes later, I felt mildly sick to my stomach. I knew it was wrong to judge her. I knew it wasn’t my place. Yet I’d given in to the urge to judge, something I usually try hard to suppress. I thought about the lactivists who have posted hurtful judgments on the Fearless Formula Feeder‘s site, as if just to shame moms who have already made their feeding choices, and realized I was no better.
The much-more-popular-than-I blogger that I’d criticized responded to my judgey remark, and in the very succinct, reasonable message she sent me, it was confirmed: I was an ass. I didn’t really know that I was talking about. Be ye not so stupid. Do not judge another mom’s choices (or any person, for that matter)–you know, the kind that don’t affect you at all and you have no business contradicting? Especially not based on a small snapshot of their life. That’s arrogant. You are most likely 100% incorrect. You haven’t walked in their shoes. You may, in fact, be doing it to feel superior or secure yourself. It probably has little to do with the judged, and a hell of a lot more to do with the judge.
To the certain someone that I judged: I am so very sorry. You were right. I was wrong. Won’t happen again. To the person who inadvertently judged me: Get ready–the cosmos are currently concocting a serving of of judgment for you. Wait for it… wait… for… it…
I feel better now. Good night all!