I’m not even going to pretend to be positive right now. I’ll get there. But not yet. Because I’ve just been asked to do the equivalent of putting mascara on a shark. For hours each day.

Yesterday we found out that Stella is starting to favor her right eye–her left eye is just ever so slightly starting to be tuned out by the brain. So we have to patch Stella’s right eye for three to four hours daily, to force her slacker eye to work harder and get tuned back in. My first, very gentle attempts at encouraging patch use reminded me of the horrors of inserting Stella’s NG tube into her nose when she was three months old. The screaming and utter rage and fear and defiance. She will not let me stick that thing to her face–not even if it’s pink and red with music notes and hearts on it. No. Way. So I’m taking a step back and re-grouping. Ordering books about patching and pirates. Buying her a pirate costume and a DVD featuring a cast of patched puppets. Ordering five different types of patches–namely, a pirate-style patch, two styles of cloth patches that go over the glasses, and two styles of cloth patches that go under the glasses. Anything but adhesive on Stella’s skin. Seriously, F THAT. Been there, done that, and have pictures of redness and irritation to prove it. I’m not even going to TRY to patch Stella again until my patch propaganda has been absorbed, and the non-sticky patches are in hand.

Yeah. So I’m just going to go ahead and say that this blows. I was blindsided by this news in yesterday’s follow-up appointment at Seattle Children’s ophthalmology. I didn’t think this was on the horizon for Stella. Yes, a military metaphor is probably wildly inappropriate in this situation but I can’t help it: I thought we’d won the war. I had a “MISSION ACCOMPLISHED” banner hanging in our living room. Through much “strategerizing”, focus, effort, and expenditures, we got her to wear her glasses! Her eyes stopped crossing! But holy crap there is a huge battle is ahead. Could it be our toughest yet? Doesn’t matter. We have no choice! To save Stella’s vision, particularly that of her weaker left eye, we must patch her strong eye. No effing way am I going to let her eyesight and quality of life go downhill. Not when there is something I can do about it! Even if it’s as insane and seemingly impossible as putting an eye patch on the eye of a small tornado.

Guess I better set my ring tone to “Eye of the Tiger,” smear on some war paint, and do some push-ups and wind-sprints and shit. Oh wait–this is the new type of war. Where brute force is obsolete. I must infiltrate the mind and culture of my target (check! i.e. puppet DVD, books, pirate garb) and win her heart. Again. Possibly with chocolate and a new play kitchen. War really is expensive and good for the economy.

May God have mercy on our souls.