The stubborn determination of hope

Good news. Stella is back to taking in about half of her daily calories from the bottle, just as she did before the recent regression. However. My feeling is that the tube is preventing her from recovering completely. I believe that it exacerbates her reflux and makes swallowing more difficult. I found and paid for two medical… Continue reading The stubborn determination of hope


First off, I have to wonder, do all four-month-olds yell at their parents like pissed-off NYC taxi drivers in Manhattan rush-hour traffic? Stella's got a good set of lungs and/or pipes. And she uses them non-stop lately. Of course, five seconds after shouting with a furrowed brow, she's smiling. Then she's on the verge of… Continue reading 88


Stella took a step back today. But I keep telling myself that it's okay. That it's to be expected. Just part of the process. And her total bottle intake today, on a decidedly so-so day, is higher than what we saw on an average day just a few weeks ago. Of course, we can't help but feel let down and look… Continue reading Fear

We set ’em up. Stella knocks ’em down.

Cody, Stella and I had a relaxing holiday weekend. I'm sad that it's over and that Cody will have to return to work tomorrow. He's been working a lot, which has been tough. Just having him around makes me feel better, and Stella loves it, too. When I get down, he helps pick me up,… Continue reading We set ’em up. Stella knocks ’em down.

Merry Christmas!

I thought Stella's holiday outfit made her look like a candy cane. Cody said it made her look like an escapee from Leprechaun Prison. Either way, she looked adorable. Sleepy after eating too much ham and sweet potato pie, it's time for us to hit the hay. Just wanted to wish everyone a very happy… Continue reading Merry Christmas!

Hope in a bottle

Okay. Some days, the bottle looms so large that it casts a shadow over everything--but only because I let it. Because I'm so very, very tired and incredibly discouraged and wishing to the point of physical aching that Stella would just eat. I mean, can you imagine if someone begged you, on their hands and knees, to eat tons… Continue reading Hope in a bottle

“We’re gonna need a bigger bottle.”

I said that this afternoon, when Stella finished a bottle and was sucking on the empty nipple. We were flying so high. (I apologize in advance for a less than sparkling post. I'm very tired and a bit grumpy, and lack the patience required for halfway decent writing, something I really care about and aspire… Continue reading “We’re gonna need a bigger bottle.”

The latest trend in bottle feeding.

Wanted to make a quick note about Stella's feeding progress. We only fit in four bottles today (in addition to her two pumped feedings at night) because she napped so much that it put us "behind." The good news is that she took 100+ mls from two bottles. This has been happening more lately, so I thought… Continue reading The latest trend in bottle feeding.

Hold please.

This was a day when we didn't fall behind, or get ahead. For the most part, we were simply on hold. And that was okay. Stella did have a first, and she was delightful company as usual. Stella's first appointment, with our occupational therapist, was cancelled. I was not disappointed to miss it,  as we've been seeing progress and therefore want to… Continue reading Hold please.

Stella steps it up. Again.

I'm thrilled to report that Stella finished TWO BOTTLES today. And her others were solid performances as well. She had a fantastic day all around. There is still much progress to be made, of course. But Stella seems to be getting her groove back. Day by day. Bottle by bottle. Milliliter by milliliter. It's tough to do, but Cody… Continue reading Stella steps it up. Again.