Sucker punched!

Well, today’s vision therapy could not have gone much worse.

She refused to wear the prism goggles for more than a minute or two at at time. Not only did she kick, throw and scream, she attempted to toss all the folders and paperwork off of Bethanie’s desk with several angry sweeps of her little but surprisingly strong arm. I had to fight back tears most of the time. I enforced a much needed time-out and we ended the session early.

All is not lost, certainly. We realized that on the days we’ve done vision therapy in the afternoons, we make more progress with Stella. Having to wake her up, rush her through her morning routine and have her start these exercises after only an hour of wakefulness seems to be problematic. Next week, we have an afternoon appointment.

Today, I’m getting myself a treat. Today, I’m doing what I want to do and Stella is merely coming along for the ride. I need to focus on myself right now, because the hope and energy I put into her may be too much at times. Like today. I was so crushed. I know it’s definitely not true, but it feels like she just crapped on my head, for kicks.

In closing, for a future in which my dear daughter reading this: I love you so much Stella, even when you were a ruthless tornado in toddler form. That’s why days like today are so hard.


  1. Lynda Rimke · March 23, 2011

    Its totally mama time, and well-deserved, too! As Scarlett says “Tomarra is anutha day!”

  2. Jenny · March 23, 2011

    So sorry Stella! I have had those moments as well in our endless daily therapy regimen. It’s hard on little ones, and us. Take care!! Loved your last post, BTW — I am learning so much from your journey.

  3. Jim Mayer, OD, FCOVD · March 23, 2011

    Keeping our chin up during adversity is part of what all of us needs to do. It would be great if everything with our kids always went the way we wanted. However, this is not the case for any family, mine included. This is why blogs like this can be so great. Everyone needs support and vehicles like this can help. Sometimes to take 2 or 3 steps forward, we have to take a step backwards. I can only hope that my short note of support helps you. Best, Jim

  4. Sarah · March 23, 2011

    A healthy happy mom helps make a healthy happy child. One of the most important lessons I have learned as a parent is you need to take care of yourself too. If you only give eventually your tank will be empty.

    Good for you to treat yourself.

  5. amberhj · March 24, 2011

    Thank you so much, everyone. The support really, really helps! I write honestly about the tough times because I think it would be misleading and practically unethical to only write about the successes. This is hard work and I want anyone else going through it to somehow take heart, knowing that hard times are just part of the journey and shouldn’t stop us from pursuing the obvious greater good. Hopefully it’s clear to all that the progress and benefit far outweigh the struggles! Stella’s fiesty, she’s two and a half, and there would be fits anyway! We’re in this for the long haul, and your friendly voices make a difference. Many thanks.

  6. The Flying Chalupa · March 25, 2011

    Oh, man, you’re having one of those days. I feel for you. Definitely take some time for yourself!

    ps – thanks for stopping by my place.

  7. olga · March 29, 2011

    jumping in late, here: i agree that mama days are crucial. not just for you, but for Stella: so that she learns that mamas take care of themselves, that she learns that even when she is not the center of attention she is loved, and who knows! some of those mama things just might be fun.

  8. Pingback: New glasses, a new outlook, and a wide open space. | The Life and Times of Stella

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