Stella’s appointment with her pediatrician went well yesterday. She weighed in at 14 pounds, 13 ounces. He said that she looks good and will see her in a week. He is optimistic and doesn’t even think she will lose any weight.

Still, I confess that I have been worried. Stella has eaten “only” about 5 times and taken in 410 mls today. I’m not supposed to count but with the numbers right there on the bottle, it seems impossible to avoid keeping a mental tally. The solution, I suppose, is to place no importance on the numbers. They just aren’t important right now.

I am in the midst of a major internal struggle. And my state of mind affects Stella. So I sat down just now and asked myself, “How can I stop worrying? What can I tell myself to shut down my negative, fearful internal voice and pump up the positive, hopeful, joyful voice?”

Well…

• Stella is happy, healthy and energetic. She smiles a lot. She’s rolling like crazy. She is giving me every indication that she is more than fine.
• Dr. Devorah Steinecker, Dr. Numrych, Robin Glass, Barb Schlick (new to team Stella, she is a dietician) and Dr. Marguerite Dunitz-Scheer, all medical professionals and/or renowned experts in the area of baby/childhood feeding issues, are very confident that she will resume normal eating and recover from her aversion. Honestly, what more than that could I possibly need to squash this worrying?
• Stella has already made so much progress in the eating department. She’s shown that she can do this.
• I have been warned that her weight gain my stop for a while or that she may lose a little weight. So a day like today is to be expected in the weaning process.
• She could eat a lot more tomorrow. She could down a bunch of mls in an hour. She will eat more when she is ready. And it will likely be soon.
• Stella is smart and capable of knowing what she needs and telling me just that.
• It’s only been a few days since the tube came out. The tube was in for two months, and her aversion took three months to develop before that. Stella has just undergone a huge change and needs time to adjust.
• In my heart, I know that she does NOT need the tube.
• I have done everything I can for her. There is no point to the worry that I have been feeling. It won’t help Stella, it won’t improve the situation, so why do it?
• Miracles happen every day and positive thinking encourages them.
• You attract what you focus on. So I can focus on her successes, and help her have more of them.

In closing, I’ll share something Marguerite told me via email from Austria:

“All seems very well from my distant little eye. Keep up and enjoy life. Sometimes parents have been worrying for so long and so much that they find it hard not to have a target for worrying anymore. In such cases I say: buy a neurotic goldfish and try to get tied up about feeding it. Please stop trying to feed Stella at all. Just provide food, have it around and let her decide what and when and how much she wants.”

I may, in fact, buy a goldfish. Stella would probably enjoy seeing him swim. And it may serve to remind me of the incredible bits of wisdom that have been given to me by Robin Glass, Marguerite and Devorah. They all believe in Stella. So do I.